Listen to more episodes of our podcast for people affected by cancer You could offer to pray together, but respect their wishes if this is not something they want. Even if they’ve shown no religious interest in the past, that could change as death approaches.Sometimes it’s the companionship that is most appreciated – sit together and watch television or read. Talking about memories can help affirm that their life mattered and that they’ll be remembered. Encourage them to talk about their life, if they’re able to and interested.Depending on how comfortable you feel asking direct questions and on their willingness to talk, you could ask, “Are you frightened of dying?” or you may prefer, “I wonder whether there’s something you want to talk about?” These are natural responses to a distressing situation. Accept that you or the person dying may cry or express anger.It’s okay to say you don’t know what to say. Let them know if you feel uncomfortable.Apologise if you think you’ve said the wrong thing. ![]() Such comments block the possibility of discussing how they’re really feeling – their anger, fears, faith etc. Avoid talking in an overly optimistic way, for example, “You’ll be up in no time”.This makes it clear that they’re still a part of your life. Try to treat someone who is dying as normally as possible and chat about what’s happening in your life.If you think they’d find it easier to talk to a spiritual care practitioner, offer to put them in touch with one. ![]() Try not to prompt an answer that confirms what you think or your hope that things could be better. They may want to talk about dying, their fears or plans. Listen to what the person who is dying tells you.It also gives the person the choice to respond or to say no. In her book The Etiquette of Illness, Susan Halpern suggests asking, “Do you want to talk about how you’re feeling?” rather than “How are you feeling?” This approach is gentle and less intrusive. Even if you feel you’re not doing anything, just being there sends the message that you care. Most times, someone who is dying will find comfort in you being there, and appreciate knowing that family and friends are thinking of them. It is usually better to say something than to pretend nothing is wrong. You may want to offer something that will help them cope but don’t know what that is. It is natural to worry about saying the wrong thing. It is understandable that you might feel confused – what you feel might be so complex that it is hard to find the right words, or any words at all. People often wonder what they should say to a person who is dying. Search research by cancer type or topic.Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander people. ![]()
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